The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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