i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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