You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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