ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
