update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
