We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
