I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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