So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
