I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
