My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
