he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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