so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
