3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
