Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
