i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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