A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
