Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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