I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
