And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
