Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
how drunk are you?
Several
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
