no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
