I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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