if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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