areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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