Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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