at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
