He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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