I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
