Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
