maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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