Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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