this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he's gonorrhea incarnate
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize