When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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