I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
