should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
