mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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