Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize