Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
