Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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