I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
