I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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