The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
