In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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