I am in a vortex of obligation.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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