saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
