My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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