Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize