Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
