We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
