Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
