i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
