How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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