Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
