that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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