I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
