You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were destined to go to rehab together
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
