Whod you bang
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
