Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
