new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
