i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
