I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
