he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
