Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
