mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
