she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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