I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
