Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
