got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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