She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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