I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
