I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
