I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
