i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
