It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You ruined the universe
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
