thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize