I will die if light touches me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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