Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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