i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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