some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
